On(wards) and Upwards

So Jerry called on Thursday to tell me his doctor had given him the go-ahead to stop his Valproex that day, and to start with a small dose of Lithium on Friday, with the dose being increased over the weekend, until he is back on a full dose on Monday. We kept to our plan to have him just come on Friday evening for a few hours. Much to my surprise, since I was expecting and prepared for some kind of withdrawal symptoms, I could see a difference in him immediately. His eyes were brighter and more alert, his face was not pulled tight with frustration and irritation - in fact, there was almost a relaxed, content look about it. He was much more engaged with the kids, despite still having his nasty cough (which I suspect is bronchitis), and did not seem as exhausted and run down. It's funny, because it was hard to put words to what I noticed from the moment he came in, but there was a definite, palpable difference - reminds me of what some people say about people having an energy field, and how it can be sensed if you're attuned to it. I don't notice it often with other people, but I seem quite attuned to Jerry's, perhaps out of years of learning to predict what kind of space he was in, so that I could be prepared? Who knows.

The one thing I was frustrated to hear was that his doctor was reluctant and concerned about putting him back on Lithium. Drives me a bit mad (excuse the pun) that he doesn't get what bad shape Jerry has been in, and how crappy things have been since the medication switch. I suppose I shouldn't jump to conclusions, since I have no idea what Jerry has told him about anything, but it makes me feel like I really want to meet with him, so that I can tell him what I experienced/saw since the change, ask him some questions (like what's up with all this nervousness about toxicity when Lithium is still considered the first-line choice for bipolar meds and has a reputation for being safe for many years, etc.), and address my concern about his take on my concerns (as reported by Jerry); according to Jerry, his doctor has been assuming that my concerns have been more a product of an "over-sensitive spouse" and not so much about the degree to which a spouse has become attuned to their bipolar spouse's moods. If someone had taken my observations regarding his shorter fuse and higher level of agitation seriously in the first place, perhaps even requesting to speak to me in person to get a better sense of the situation, this whole situation (including the damage done to the kids from the arguing, lost tempers, and ultimately, being scratched in the face by someone who really did lose control of their behaviour).

Oh well, for now, things are looking much more hopeful. In fact, yesterday was so good that Jerry and I decided it would be appropriate for him to come by this afternoon, and possibly tomorrow at some point. Hopefully it will be as nice as yesterday, and the kids will "get their fill" of their dad this weekend, which I don't think they have since school started.